The Shocking Truth About Grief This Year

The shocking truth about grief this year is, it’s okay to have some. This year of all years has a lot of reasons to have some grief. If there has ever been a time we feel like there have been some losses in our lives this is the year. One of my favorite authors, Emily P Freeman said in her podcast, The Next Right Thing, maybe need to let the grief fall right over us.

Have always thought about grief when talking about the death of someone?. Those are definitely times that we understand grief. Grief comes in all shapes and really all sizes. Webster’s dictionary describes grief as deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement or a cause of such suffering. This year has been a year of suffering and loss.

The year of losses

As I sit and think about this year, there have been so many losses in people’s lives. Some have lost their mother, father, sister, or brother. Lives have been lost, time together has been lost, and the way we normally grieve has been changed as well.

Gathering together to talk about those passed was a way everyone got to grieve together and share memories of our loved ones.

Not only has loss of lives been a reason to grieve but also loss of our dreams that were supposed to come to life. I’m talking about weddings, birthday parties, trips, and other life events that were never allowed to see the light of day.

The first day of first grade was lost for many. The last day of senior year in high schools and colleges across the country. As well as some births of brand new babies when hospitals across the country didn’t allow anyone to come into the hospital. It happened all across the country.

Then there are those that were in the hospital and no one was allowed to see them. Some died without having seen a family member for 3-4 months. So many events in our lives stopped.

Everyone can have grief over something

The shocking truth about grief is that we have experienced it before and just didn’t think of it as such. Everyone probably has felt a sense of loss about something. Some of these events may seem meaningless to us, but to others, they were the very things worth getting up for. Families missed smiles and congratulations at a special event. Parents missed taking children to college for their freshman year.

I remember thinking, I miss hugs. I miss walking up to a friend and receiving a heartfelt hug.

My own father is eighty-four. He told me there are worse things than dying, like never being together again. Seeing four walls for months on end. Living in fear of what could or couldn’t happen. Listening to constant talk about death from some unknown source in the media.

If getting together for book club once a month was important to you, you could be grieving that right now. A friend of mine told me she just misses her relationships with friends. It seems like there is this huge chasm and we will never overcome it.

Like so many other types of emotions or feelings they are unique to each individual and we should not judge anyone’s grief.

How feelings of grief affect us

It’s funny how we often call grief “heartache” because grief is so guttural. It can hurt all the way to the core. So painful that our heart can literally hurt. A very wise life coach recently said something that I have thought about many times. She said,

“Pain demands to be heard.”

Ann Visser

why is is unhealthy to not express grief

We would like to silence it sometimes, but silencing pain and grief can have consequences. Efforts to avoid the reality of loss can cause fatigue, weaken your immune system, increase inflammation, and prolong other ailments according to Web MD.

Not being able to celebrate or commiserate with our community can have consequences on our bodies and minds. We often need time with others to celebrate our achievements and commiserate our losses.

Holding those things in and not having the opportunity to say them out loud can have long lasting problems for us. Not releasing grief can lead to inflammation, depression, anxiety and countless other real physical symptoms.

The Shocking Truth About Grief

Grief demands to be heard. It needs to be talked about. We should be able to express the things that we are grieving about this year.

A group of cardiac rehab patients has gotten together every morning for years. They ate an unhealthy breakfast and then met to exercise together. Their ages ranged from 70 to 85 years old. During the summer they still met in an old store parking lot in lawn chairs. As the weather changed and they could no longer see each other some of them started to decline health-wise. Sadly a few have died during this time. Not from the virus, but heart issues. Their loneliness contributed to their health.

See, cardiac rehab is not just about exercise, it is also about other people gathering together and talking about common problems.

Getting together and seeing others is healthy. It keeps us focused for longer and offers the chance to say out loud many things. Humans were created to commune with other people. Not everyone can operate a computer and do meetings online. An old parking lot may be the only way some can see each other. Sadly, some would say there is no real value in being with others, I disagree.

Are we Pushing grief away

Did you know that pushing something away that needs to be felt is harmful? Have you ever seen the whole entire day smiling when you are dying inside? It is exhausting. Nothing is worse than withholding tears and pain. Grief and pain should be let out and talked about.

Are we pushing it away? I believe in working towards the better good of the world, but that does not mean we can’t talk about the losses we have experienced this year.

Let it out

This year one of my grandchildren was born in March. We got to see him the day he was born and a few days later. After that we didn’t see him again for almost four months. New moms have plans in their mind. When things don’t go according to plan It can be a little disappointing.

We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about our losses. The shocking truth about grief is it’s okay to have it. There is nothing wrong with saying out loud our disappointments. It helps to make sense of things. After talking a little bit to my daughter about her feelings of missing out she realized how fortunate she was. Her husband got to stay home with her for four months. That is unheard of in America. He will probably never get to spend that much time with a newborn baby again.

There is always hope.

As I look back at this past year I don’t feel like all was lost. I think people found out there are a lot of things we used to do that we could live without. For instance in my neighborhood my husband and I saw more people walking as families than ever before. People ate at home. They pulled out the coffee pot and made their own coffee.

People started new hobbies. The craft beer industry and knitting industry all saw boosts in their sales. Mothers stayed home. Companies learned that employees can be productive at home as well as at work.

The financial hardships for people were real as well. I don’t want to make light of that at all, but many people got some things done they never could before. Like painting a bedroom or repairing a light fixture.

Not all was lost in this war

If we all are honest with ourselves we can look back at this year and say one or two good things really did come out of it. That is the funny thing about believing in God and knowing that he has all things under His control. None of this caught Him by surprise. The bible says that

Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights.

James 1:7

Speak life into grief

There are many things we still can be thankful for. We never missed a meal or had our lights turned out. My parents have been amazing through this whole ordeal. I have joined an amazing group of Christian women that are mostly in Canada for leadership and growth lessons. I would have never ever met them and started meeting online with them. It has been a real blessing.

My daughter can also be thankful. She had her husband home with her newborn son for four whole months. My other daughter that is in education got to spend extra time with her baby as well. He is spoiled rotten now, but that is a wonderful thing.

There are so many things we can really be thankful for. The school will change, jobs will change, the church will change, but you know what, that is okay too.

So what is the shocking truth about grief? We are going to have it. Suffering and grief are a part of this world, but as a Christian, I can live like I have hope, because I do. The living hope of the Holy Spirit lives in me. That gives me hope every day. The things of this world are going to continue to fall apart and the older I get the more significant those losses will be.

For my grandchildren, this is just another virus and there will be more. Grief will continue to come into our lives. We will need to recognize the truth of that and learn to accept what we can not change, but live like we hold eternal hope in Jesus Christ.

Tell me what you have grieved over. Love you, Janet