Our Reaction Can Change Everything

Have you ever thought about the fact that how we respond to a situation can change everything.  Our reaction to situations that involve other people can make or break us in life.  I also think that the first place to teach how to respond to other people is in the home.  How we learn to react at home is key.  Home should be the place that is the least stressful.  Home is also the earliest classroom and we must begin to teach our children how to react VERY early in life.  Otherwise, an opportunity is missed and compulsive reactions are very difficult to relearn, or reteach.

Teaching Children How To React

If you have ever intervened between 2 to 3-year-old children, you realize they have no idea how to react to each other.  Toddlers use the word “mine” very early?  All of the sudden everything is theirs and no one can touch anything.  It is much easier to teach a child how to handle this situation than later as an adult.  Simply saying, “Don’t react to baby brother taking your toy.  I promise he will lay it down a few moments later.”  Teach them often how to respond to certain situations and it will become part of who they are.

Our Reaction Can Change Everything

Sometimes when I get home from work I do not like to talk.  I know it is selfish, but I am usually tired of talking to people.  My husband is usually home an hour before.  When I get home he is always pleased to see me. What I am not good at is showing that I really am glad to see him too. Coming home flat and with a bad attitude does not help things. It just creates tension right from the moment I step in and that is not a good way to start the evening. I want our time in the evening pleasant.  My reaction affects our time together. So what can I do differently.  It is such an easy fix, change my attitude by changing my reaction.  Adults need to learn this skill too. This article in Psychology Today talks about choosing a response.  I like the idea of making a choice.

The Same Goes For Other People

Have you ever had to go to the  DMV office.  Just the words Department of Motor Vehicles can make me have a bad attitude.  I went into the DMV this week because I wanted to get my Real ID for domestic flights. The requirements were online. I gathered all of my papers and other things needed to meet the list of requirements. During my lunch break was the only time I could go to the DMV. That is always risky.  I drove over there and no one was in the , get your number line, score!!  When the person asked what I was there for, I told her, “I want to get my Real ID and change my address.”  She looked at my papers and said, “You don’t have everything.”

The Moment of Truth

In the back of my mind I thought, don’t let this change your attitude. I also had to make myself deep breath and press on knowing everything I needed was there, but there was not any good reason to argue that point right there.  I just kept thinking, my reaction is everything. She gave me my number and I presented the papers to another person. 10 minutes later I walked out with my address changed and my Real ID drivers license. All was well. I didn’t ruin my day and she didn’t have hers ruined either. My attitude made the difference.

Your Older Children Can Benefit from Learning This As Well

When one of my sons was in high school he had a particularly hard time.  He followed his older brother and in his mind the older brother was smarter, got along better with people and teachers seemed to like him more. In one of his classes the teacher really loved his older brother and this caused a lot of grief for G. The teacher developed a real dislike for him.  So on one particular day she became extremely aggravated with and sent G to the assistant principal’s office.

Accept Good Advice

The principal was one of his coaches as well.  So as G sat there for a little while talking to the coach, some really good advice was given to him.  The coach told him, maybe it is YOUR attitude or even your reaction when the teacher says something to you. It was so brilliant that to this day I think about it and smile.  Our reaction is everything.  The coach told him to go back to class and before speaking or responding check your attitude.  He just told him to give it a try. 

You Want a Positive Outcome

You want a positive outcome and your reaction can make the difference.  That old saying about having 2 ears and one mouth for a reason is so true.  We are quick to open our mouth and spout words before we even hear all that is said.  Thinking about our reaction can benefit everyone around us. So what would I suggest to you to help with this problem?

1. Before you react to a comment or situation ask, “can anything really be changed?”.
2. Do I want a positive outcome?
3. Getting someone all riled up will not help the situation.
4. Think long and hard about your response to something and your attitude.
5. Look at yourself in the mirror and watch your facial expressions as you talk, check yourself.
6. Take the time to teach your children thoughtful ways to respond to tense situations.
7. Take time to talk to your teenager about a winning attitude.
8. Sometimes you just have to Put Your Game Face ON.

Remember Our Reaction Can Change Everything

We can make something positive or negative by our reaction.  It is so important to remember this. It is also very important to teach it to our children and practice it in our families. Our home is the experimental grounds. We can practice things with people that love us and will not condemn us. Our children can practice with us and their siblings and we can also practice there. Then the next time you are in a situation that is tense the skills practiced at home can be used. They can be used at the office, in public and at home.  Life is full of relationships. People are part of the world we live in. At least try to practice how you react to difficult conversations and be gracious in your reaction. Honestly, Jae

 

“Life is messy. The only thing we can control is how we react to what happens to us and move forward.”
― Laurie Buchanan, PhD