Have you had to move from rescue to recovery? You are no longer in the rescue stage. What was going on is never going to be rescued. Someone says to you, we are moving from rescue to recovery, what does that mean and what does it look like?
Rescue
Last year my dear friend lost her son in a fatal plane crash. For 4 full days the Coast Guard spent all of daylight and some of dusk to find any remnant of the small airplane. The group left that morning to go to the Bahamas. Some were going to fish, others had work to do when they got there.
After having been in the air for approximately 40 minutes the plane turned around and tried to head back to land. The radar tracking the plane with 5 people on it disappeared from the air.
A stressful cry was sent out to a tower of unknown people. The cry was heard and teams were sent out to the plane. The rescue began and it was a fervent one. The Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard were all present as well as many private boat owners. The small community was alerted by this great need.
Wives, daughters, mothers, sons and other family members were contacted with the news of the tragedy. The trajectory of many, many people’s lives were forever changed that day.
The Coast Guard called this phase of the mission “Rescue”. They worked relentlessly to recover a shred of evidence to explain the unexplainable. Darkness seemed darker and daylight offered a glimmer of hope each morning as the search started again, but as the minutes ticked by that glimmer of hope continued to fade.
Hopelessness
The early part of the Rescue phase is so hopeful. It is a time that the minutes are good because circumstances could change, but as the day goes on and the hours slip by something happens.
Recovery
The Coast Guard describes this kind of search like looking for a No 2 pencil in a body of water the size of Delaware. It’s always called a Rescue until all the efforts for rescue have been exhausted.
Then it changes to a “Recovery”. The recovery part of this probably the hardest of all. No one knows how long it will last. For the Coast Guard the recovery part was relentless. They worked just as hard to find any shred of evidence that the airplane was in the water to take back to the many, many people that NEEDED to know this was true. They needed to know that the unthinkable really happened.
Now was the point in life that the real work of “Recovery” would begin.
“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
Recovery is the hardest part in all tragedies. During the rescue of a relationship or long fought illness we wake up with renewed hope each day. The thought that something COULD change and all we are experiencing is a bad dream.
We cry out to God praying that this is just a bad dream. Sometimes we lay our head on the pillow at night hoping that tomorrow when we awaken this nightmare will be gone.
Everybody Experiences Tragedy
Everyone knows that loosing a child, parent or loved one in a fatal plane or car crash is a tragedy. Life taken so quickly hurts, but there are other tragedies that people experience too. We tend to look at our difficulties as the worse thing that could ever be happening.
Divorce, loss, death and long term illness are experiences that happen to people everyday. A broken heart is real and many things cause it. What is painful to you is the important thing to remember. No one should judge another persons pain. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes.
The thing is we never ever know what another person is experiencing. The surface is so easy to disguise. We are good at pretending it is okay and trying to find a way to numb the pain. So how do we move from “Rescue to Recovery”?
Step 1:Feel the Pain
Let yourself feel the emotions. The pain and heartache you are feeling is real. No one can take that away from you. The way you feel is the way you feel. In society we don’t want to feel pain. Maybe it is the way we were brought up, I don’t know, but I do know that the ways we try to numb pain are not healthy.
We may already have a feeling of numbness. Waking up and not being able to focus or move is NORMAL. You may be in a state of shock. Our bodies and minds can not wrap themselves around this tragedy. All the emotions and feelings you have are part of coming to grips with the loss and change in life.
No one can tell you exactly how you will begin to cope, but know that the pain and emotions you are having are normal and real. I promise that one day the pain will dull and be less acute. They may never go away but you will be able to hold your head up and return to life. Just feel the pain and emotion right now and understand that it is normal.
Step 2:Give Yourself Some Personal Care
We are not good at taking care of ourselves, especially during a loss that is so painful. Did you know that some psychiatrist claim that a divorce is worse than someone dying? In divorce cases the person causing you so much pain is still alive. So remember grief and heartache are tiresome. They are emotions that physically drain you.
Try to remember you have been through a trauma, just like someone that has been in a car wreck. Your mind is limitless and it keeps you awake at night. Thoughts are scattered and focusing is hard. Your movements are just functional getting you through each day.
All of this is exhausting, so you need to take care of yourself physically. It might mean you sleep more. It may mean you will need to spend more time with the ones you love and just embrace each other often. Hugs and love are healing in their own way.
Try to eat healthy and drink plenty of fluids. This is not the time to get sick. Talk about it with the people that are close to you. They understand your feelings.
Step 3:Try Not To Go Backwards
This may seem like a no brainer, but sometimes we start retreating when we really need to keep going forward. Initially shock and other things keep us going. As time passes the pain is still there and we want to retreat. See this as a journey that takes time to move slowly through it. Don’t judge yourself because of your feelings or tears. Tears really can help cleanse us and offer some release.
Psalm 56:8
You have kept record of my days of wandering. You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them.
I love the thought that my tears are captured by God and He does not forget about them. Let the tears flow and let them be a part of your life while you make it through this journey.
Step 4:Find People To Talk To
It is so important to talk to someone. There are others out there that understand your circumstance. People are made to be loved and need encouragement sometimes. Surround yourself with loved ones that can be supportive and understanding.
Don’t wait to ask for help, do it sooner rather than later. Sometimes I think people wait too long. Grief is dealt in so many different ways and all of them are not healthy. Get someone trained that can guide you through this time.
Step 5: Keep Believing
Someone said that a broken heart is still beating. That is pretty profound and true. You are still here on this earth. God has not chosen for you to be with him yet. Our time will come, death is something we will not avoid. So now is the time to summon the most courage you can and call out for the strength you do not have. As long as you have life, use it.
Everyday the sun comes up. The Bible says that His mercies are new every morning. So we have the chance each day to start a new and even in the midst of our most sorrowful days God can help us, guide us and give us courage.
You will become a different version of your old self one day. The scars will still be there. They will be hard and rough scars and you will remember how it felt to get them, but you will also be able to share with someone else how it felt to get them too. Honestly, Janet
Hey, what do you think? Let me know and if you have time follow me on Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram.