How to handle things our of your control is an important lesson to learn. There are going to be times in our lives we feel like there is a tornado in our mind. Things, thoughts, actions are just swirling in our heads.
Events that are extremely emotional can trigger this process. Such as losing a job, someone’s death, and even divorce. Some even say that divorce is worse than death. Honestly, somedays for me it doesn’t take much for me to start chasing rabbits in my mind.
Is it just me or do things seem out of your control right now? What is happening? Every morning the reports about the coronavirus seem scarier and my hopes of retiring and doing something different with my life are getting farther and farther away.
Plans I thought would never change did and the future is scary to me today. Guess what, I am feeling out of control. Not me personally but just the world right now.
Tip # 1 Perception
the world never has been in my control
Is all that really the truth or am I just perceiving it that way? Honestly, I never had all those things I thought I had anyway. Security, a future set in stone, a promise that everything I ever dreamed of is in my hands.
Truth is NOTHING is under my control. I like it to be. That’s always been the illusion I lived under, for sure, but it is a lie.
Letโs think about that for a moment. What do we really have control of? Not much, to be honest. When you have children at home you try to have as much control as possible. To keep our sanity we TRY to keep things under control.
Even little people have their own will. Guess what, they express it all the time. Our family members are usually not afraid to express their own will, right? So I never had control there, even if I thought I did.
My husband has sometimes expressed his feelings about this very same thing. Like, when he gets up to go to work in the morning and the battery is dead in the truck. Those things can not be predicted. We can expect the unexpected. How we handle the things that are really under our control is a start.
Handling things out of control starts here
Part of how to handle things out of our control is changing the way we perceive control. Here is the definition of perceived control.
“The extent to which you believe you control the outcome of an event is called perceived control.”
https://study.com/academy/lesson/perceived-behavioral-control-definition-and-relation-to-stress.html
Now I don’t want to get too techinical about this because I don’t believe it will help, but let’s think about this.
What do we perceive
My husband left work the other day, late. He was frustrated about it because he was ready to get home. Things out of his control were happening. As he approached the stop sign a car literally hit 3 other cars and eventually was tossed into the air and rolled over on its side. The driver was running from the police. He died.
If my hubby had left on time, he would have been involved in that collision. So, the perception of things being in our control is a lie and the way we look at something can be the solution.
There are many things we do have control over, like how often we wash our hands. Washing our hands properly and often can help prevent the spread of illness.
What I can’t control is other people washing their hands. We will never be able to control everything in our world.
tip#2 Change what you can
We can change a few things to improve this out of control feeling. Think realistically about the situation. Our minds can get out of control too.
Going out into the public is a given, we have to do it at some point. Other people’s actions can not be changed, but yours can. You can study more for a test that seems impossible. We can wash our hands properly to prevent the spread of the flu.
For instance, you have a big project coming up, or a major test. You are getting stressed out about it because of the things that are out of your control. Maybe you wonder if your boss really values your work. The big project you are about to present is worrisome. Other people will decide the outcome of your project including peers or professors, even a boss.
The only thing you can control in this situation or any situation is how hard you have worked on it. Knowing you put in the correct time and did your very best will alleviate the out of control perception you may experience. You can control how much time you put into a project. Other people and their actions can not be controlled.
Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34
Worrying about tomorrow will not change tomorrow. My teenager used to tell me this all the time. Although there was no comfort in his words, they were true.
tip#3 find comfort in what is true
Handling things out of your control starts with recognizing the truth. The truth is God has all things under His control.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of knowing the future? Would a mom really want to know what tomorrow holds? Maybe, if everything was sunshine and roses, but it’s usually not.
Seek what is true
Find comfort in what is true, God has all things under His control and I do not. This brought me a lot of comfort over the years. I had four willful children. Some were willful on the outside and some on the inside.
There were days I did not think I would survive this time period of life. I felt assaulted daily by things that were out of my control. Somewhere along the way, a very wise woman gave me some advice.
She reminded me of some truths that we all need to be reminded of. The picture-perfect life of Hollywood stars is not reality. Reality is the everyday grind we really live.
In those days are going to be things that seem out of control. Remember the truth in the midst of these days. They may not be under your control, but someone else does have it in His hands.
Comfort can come from knowing God knew about this before I did.
We can also find comfort in the learning part. How we change and develop the skills to handle the out of control times in our lives is part of maturing. Being young and impulsive should be left behind with the young and impulsive.
When you have lived as long as we have, seeing things in the right light and understanding this will pass is also part of maturity.
Most importantly, stop your crazy thoughts when they start. It is your mind and you can do it. Think about the truth.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Philippians 4:8
This week I sat down and made a grateful list, because the reality is, I have a lot more to be grateful for than to worry about.
Find comfort in what is true, use this as a way to handle things out of your control.
Every day is never going to be perfect
Remember, you can learn to handle things out of your control
I am going, to be honest with you, I am a planner. My Bullet Journal keeps me sane. If you don’t know anything about a bullet journal here is my post about that. How To Bullet Journal
So, when things seem to be getting out of hand or out of my control I have to do the very things I am talking about.
- Watch How I Perceive Things
- Change What I Can
- Find Comfort In The Truth
Finally, practice the solutions for handling things that are out of your control. Keep a journal of the things you are grateful for and remember them as the truth.
You can learn to handle things out of your control. It will take practice and thought, but it isn’t impossible.
Honestly, Janet
If you couldn’t find a hand sanitizer, here is my recipe for DIY Hand Sanitizer.
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