The Crisis

How do we honor our aging parents during the transition to elder care? How will I maintain their dignity when making the decisions about their care?

You may get the call one day, “your mom’s had a stroke” or your loved one was found in the grocery store and doesn’t remember his way home.  How can I honor my loved one when managing their elder care may not be your first thought.

Maybe you get the call that says someone fell and broke their hip.

Whatever the catastrophic event or crisis is, it can hit you for a loop. Unprepared may be the feeling after this type of call.

How can we honor our loved ones when we are managing their elder care.The crisis is going to come and if you are unprepared for it, then the loss of the meaningful relationship can deteriorate. Planning ahead and just thinking ahead can help alleviate some of the problems that are going to follow the crisis.  Committing to honor in elder care and respect in the process is important.

Working Through The Emotions

Fear

Fear and anxiety can be crippling.  Especially when it comes to making the decisions of life for someone else. Having these emotions are normal. Fear of making the right choices or wrong choices is real. When you love someone and have to assume the responsibility of taking care of them, it can be a scary road to travel on.

Anxiety

Recognizing anxiety and moving past it is important.  Good decisions are not made when we are fearful or anxious. Both will only cause problems for us as well. So try to remember that these emotions are normal and focus on the task at hand.

Anger

Anger may even be an emotion we experience during this transition. With all the burdens in our lives, the added burden of taking care of aging parents is enough to cause a little anger.  Just remember this, the Lord gave us the emotions of anger to maintain some self preservation. Feel the anger but respond to it in a healthy way. It is natural and can help to motivate as well as stay focused as well.

Anger can also be an emotion we do not want to admit to having during this time. It may seem too selfish or prideful.  Don’t feel guilty about feeling angry.  The emotion is normal, the reaction is crucial. How we respond to our fear, anxiety and anger during this time will determine the success or failure.

The Roles Have Changed

When the roles change from child, parent, friend, spouse to caregiver it can be devastating.  When I recognized this change in my own relationship with my parents it hurt. I realize I could not longer talk to them the way that I used to.  It’s not just a physical change that requires consideration, but also mental and emotional.

Physical Changes

We just do not move as fast as we used to.  I know I don’t. Then add a few years on to my mobility age and things are drastically different. When we lose some of our mobility we also lose some of our independence.  That is a big deal, no matter how you look at it. Moving slower means slower reactions. In a car that is not safe. Walking around also makes is unsafe. Going up and down curbs or steps can become a challenge.

Mental Changes

Our thought process slows down as we age.  Our attention span slows.  We become unable to choose what we should concentrate on and what we should not concentrate on. Changes in Cognitive Function happen and we do not even realize it.   Click on the highlighted word to read the entire article. These kinds of changes affect our ability to concentrate on important things like, the stove, locking the doors or other simple task.

 

So you can see where their health and safety become a real issue. So after looking at some of the realities of our loved ones aging, we have to decide how to deal with these problems.  It can become a demanding situation that requires a balancing act from us. Adjustment will have to be made and honoring them in the process is so important.

One Step At A Time

If you have the privileged of taking care of this situation slowly, well you may only need a housekeeper. Just someone to come in a cook meals or clean can be a big help. When we slow down mentally or physically it does not mean automatic action.  As long as your loved ones are safe.

Let them participate in the decisions if they can. This is a very good way of respecting someone.Some decisions anyone can help with. Like:

• • A grocery list.
  • The  temperature in the house.
  • Brand of laundry detergent bought.

Choose Wisely Your Battles

Try not to make things that are not important a battle.  It is just not worth it. When asking questions try not to offer too many choices. Give them PLENTY of time to answer. I posted a blog about some things that should be done when we turn 50, 7 Things Everyone Should Do When They Turn 50. Well, I hope these are also things that were taken care of by your loved ones.  If they have not been taken care of ,DO THEM PRONTO.

1. Healthcare Power of Attorney
2. Living Will
3. Trusts or Wills
4. General Power of Attorney

These are necessary to be prepared to take care of someone.  The role of caregivers is complicated with the right documentation. So make sure all the necessary documentation has been handled.

It’s Not About You

It really isn’t about us at this point and if you are feeling a little miffed about the whole situation you are not alone. We went through this with my in-laws and just beginning to with my parents.  Lot’s of people are going through this situation. Talk to someone. Reach out to all the resources you can and find out what is available.  Work through your fear and doubts.  We are often a lot stronger than we think. Get help when you need to and be prepared for the time ahead. Above all honor your aging parents. They brought you into this world.  Honestly, Janet