Elder Care

Elder care is a topic not often talked about. Go to any self help section in a book store and you will find many books covering pregnancy, raising boys, toddler and infant care. Even multiple articles about marriage. Elder care is just not at the top of everyone’s list of informative reading. Yet elder care maybe in our future and how it affects us is important to think about.

How Elder Care Affects Us

When elder care comes into your life is a big part of how stressful the care is.  If you are still in the middle of raising your own children, the care can become added stress.  The demands placed on your time and finances can be very similar to raising children.  All of the sudden when you are in the midst of providing for your children, you have adult parents that also require provision.  For the sake of this post let’s assume that care of your family is the only concern for you right now.

Cost for the Elderly

At Home

Nothing is cheap when it comes to taking care of those that need some help at home.  If you are fortunate enough to be able to keep them in their home, part time help from an agency can run between 18.00 to 25.00 dollars an hour. The price doesn’t change much if you use an agency full time as well. So having care around the clock at their home can run around 7000.00 to 8000.00 dollars a month for at home care. You can divide that in half if there is away to only do this part time.

At A Living Center

There are many places for the elderly to live in our city and I am sure yours too. They all offer different amenities with the rent and it is “rent”.  You would need to check out the ones in your area.  The one that we did move our mother-in-law to after her husband past was really very nice.  The apartments were large and had a walk in shower.  There were also common areas for families to gather in. Meals are offered in different ways at places like this as well. Some have kitchens and do not offer any meals.  Finding a place that offered meals was important to us. Part of her safety and well being was keeping Mema out of the kitchen, but eating.

Often times at living centers activities are offered during the day and someone is always there. Meals are offered as well as minimal care for 24 hours. Medicines are not usually given by a caregiver, but someone is there for safety and a little assistance. Some still drive in these facilities and family is welcome anytime.

Cost

The cost is an issue in a living center. Medicare does not help with any long-term care. So it really is “rent” with peace of mind.  The peace of mind comes from knowing someone is there all the time. The stress can come from paying for it. Long-term care can deplete a family of all their savings and fluid monies. Unless a long-term insurance policy was bought in the past, the expense can become a burden. Most centers like this do not take any federal money, Medicare of Medicaid.

We fund these type of places to run between 2000.00 to 3000.00 dollars a month.  That cost can be offset by their social security checks but a personal check will also have to be written. So, the cost is something to consider. Veterans can get a little assistance in residential centers, but it usually will not cover the total cost.

I will say that these facilities can be a life saver. They can also be a very sad place to stay if the care is not good. So do your research and ask around. People will be glad to share their experiences with you and give recommendations.  Also, check frequently on  your family after you make a decision and place someone in a living center.

Skilled Care

Sometimes the level of care in a Residential Center is just not enough. Alzheimer and dementia can make it very difficult for someone to take care of themselves safely. Both diseases can make your family member forget to eat, bath and take their medicines. When the level of care increases a skilled care facility maybe the next step. Skilled care nursing homes are just what the word implies.  At this point someone may need more care than residential places offer. Even a skilled care facility is not covered by Medicare. So, when your family is initially placed in a nursing home, private pay will probably be necessary. Until all of a persons assets are depleted and nursing homes are not cheap.

The private pay of skilled care runs between 7500.00 to 8500.00$ a month.  It is not cheap. Skilled care does provide 24 hour a day care though. Including meals, bathing, physical therapy, medicine dispersion and general safety. It is a very high level of care. Medicare does not cover it, unless the care is temporary for something like physical therapy and there are limits.

 

Medicaid vs Medicare

Remember that Medicare does not pay for long term care. After all of a persons assets have been depleted they can apply for Medicaid. Now I am not going to even try to explain Medicaid vs Medicare, but a persons assets are the biggest thing to look at.

Each state has different guide lines. Good luck at finding someone that understands them.  I found this to be one of the most stressful parts of the process. Apart from hiring an Elder Care Attorney it is very confusing. One thing I will recommend is getting any assets out of your parents name as soon as you get a hint of needing care.  Sooner rather than later.  In our state you can not get Medicare until you have a maximum of 2000.00$ worth of assets.  Your house is also considered an asset, but they do allow you to keep it until their death. If you are EVER asked, always say, “They may move back into their home.”

We were advised to spend down all of our parents assets first and then apply for Medicaid. After writing a check to the nursing homes for many, many years it was not difficult to spend down their assets.  Now I am not an expert in this area.  I am just sharing our experience and things we learned. This time can be so stressful and if helping alleviate some of the stress is finding them a new place to live, then do it.

Being Respectful

I think for me, maintaining my in-laws dignity and being respectful of them was So important. I also knew that I could not give them the care that they needed 24 hours a day. The transition from home, to residential center, to skilled care was a challenging time.  We did live through it. As I look back now I am thankful for the choices we had.  We actually did all of them.  We used home care, residential centers and eventually skilled care.

Their honor was important and we were very thoughtful in each choice. Sometimes the moves were met with resistant from them, but eventually living in each situation became the norm.

Chose Carefully

This time of life is not easy. It may even seem harder than raising children.  Making choices for adults is not easy, especially when every has a will of their own. Good judgement, pray and respect go a long way in making good choices.

Go to all the places you are looking at.  Drop in without an appointment. Get a good look at the culture there before you make a decision.

When the decision if finally made, move forward.  It is okay to cry about it and feel some sadness. Change is stressful, but keep reminding yourself that safety and care are important too. You are looking out for your parents and if you don’t no one else will. Lots of love can be shared through out this process as well.

All their belongings and what to do with them can all be sorted out later. Their care and safety comes first.  Take care and time in making this decision. It is very serious, but can be made with love and empathy.  I know it will be hard, but can also be a relief after the choices are made.  Please comment on this process in your life.  I would love to hear about it.  Honestly, Janet