10 Ways to Become a Better Listener

I am not a good listener! I realize as I get older that I worry way too much about what I am going to say next. So I am going to put into practice these 10 ways to become a better listener.

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

Will Rogers

Learning the skill of being a good listener

Have you ever been sitting in a group of people and realized you only heard about 1/3 of what was being said or maybe you are always asking people to repeat themselves. Sometimes people get really annoyed about that. My sister does. She usually just calls me out on it. “You weren’t even listening, were you?”

She’s not the only one to call me out on that. My children have also.  “Mom did you even listen?” I realize that I have learned the art of tuning people out. As I get older and think less about what I am going to say next I know the truth is, I just do not listen and I really don’t know how to be a good listener. 

Qualities of a Good Listener

You might ask yourself what are the qualities of a good listener? Do I really want to be one? I think knowing the qualities of a good listener will help us become one and I hope improving who we are is the goal.

 

 

1. Good listeners have strong relationships. Feeling important to another human makes relationships more solid. 
2.  Careful listeners understand the other persons emotions and feelings better. The characteristic of caring and patience is seen in listeners. 
3.  Good listeners are usually good leaders.
4. Patience and grace are characteristics of a good leader.
5. Really good listeners are interested in what the other person is saying. Not just pretending to listen, but really wants to hear. 
6.  Good listeners are confident. If your goal is not to try and look better than the one speaking you can confidently listen. 
7.  Humility is a quality of a good listener. They realize the other person’s words and opinions are just as important as theirs, if not more.
8. A good listener knows that hearing what someone is talking about does not mean agreeing with the topic.
9.  Consideration is part of being a good listener. After all the facts are laid out a good listener can consider wisely someones words. 
10. Good listeners remember we have two ears and one mouth and that we should listen twice as much as we talk. 

So What Can We Do To Become A Better Listener: 10 ways listed here.  

•  Always make good eye contact. When I am not listening good my eyes are wandering. So practice watching their face and eyes as they speak.
•  Maintain interest with nods or smiles. Using facial expression when appropriate keeps us interacting in the conversation without a lot of words.
•  Make sure the other person is finished with their thought before you interject.
•  Ask questions that clarify something up for you. 
•  Sometimes you may need to repeat part of the conversation to help clarify things.
•  If you find your mind wandering, refocus on their eyes and stay engaged.
•  Listen as if you may have to repeat what is being said.
•  Do not develop a response in your mind while they are speaking. That is not listening.
• Avoid distractions like your phone, watch or traffic going by. If you need a quiet spot, find it. 
•  Don’t jump to any conclusions in the middle of the conversation.

It takes practice. That is the bottom line. Becoming a good listener takes practice. Less screaming and more listening, right? 

James said it like this, “Be slow to speak and quick to listen.”

 

The Goal Of Becoming A Good Listener

So, to become a good listener I will need to put a few things into practice. 

1.  I will need to pay attention. For me that means putting away my Ipad, phone and any other thing in my grasp. I am bad about doing something else while I am supposed to be listening. I started this back when my children were home. DOUBLE TASKING is what they used to call it. Well it is such a terrible habit now that I need to break. 
2. Start at home. My husband is a pretty good guinea pig and I probably listen to him the least. Okay I admit it!! After 37 years of marriage I realize I shut him off sometimes. Well that is going to stop and I am going to practice with him first. 

How do you feel about your listening skills? Is it something you are really good at? I am the first to admit listening is a skill necessary to be a good leader. I want to hear what the other person is saying and show value in them. I hope after researching this skill and learning about it you will also want to put into practice the skill of becoming a good listener. Honestly, Janet